What kind of funeral is right for you?

 

 

If you have attended or arranged a funeral in the past few years, you will know that services are changing.

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Where once we were given only a choice of cremation or burial, new options have become available which can make the decision-making process more extensive but also perhaps more confusing. To be honest, most families we meet simply don't know what they should do for their loved-one's Goodbye, and that's perfectly normal. 

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So we've put this page together to try to help with some of the newer questions that we are being asked.

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What is Direct - or 'pure' - Cremation?

 

Our televisions and social media feeds seem to be full of invitations to simplify the funeral process by 'going direct'. Companies like Pure Cremation (who describe themselves as offering 'Britain's favourite funeral plan') are one of the most prominent and are investing heavily in persuading us to do things differently. So effective has their advertising campaign been, that 'pure cremation' has largely become synonymous with Direct Cremation, but there is more than one way to create a simple, dignified Goodbye. And of course, change can be good, as you long as you know what you're getting.

 

So, what is the difference between a traditional funeral service at the crematorium or cemetery and 'direct cremation'?

 

'Direct' or unattended funeral services

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In most of our memories, a funeral would entail a gathering of family and/or friends at either church, chapel or graveside to lay a loved-one to rest, either via burial or cremation.

 

Although the content and tone of our Goodbyes has evolved greatly in recent years, the format has been essentially the same - a minister or celebrant leads the service, sharing tributes or inviting family and friends to do so; we listen to music, perhaps sing a hymn; we choose readings and poems, share a word of blessing or prayer perhaps, then we say Goodbye to our loved-one. That person is eventually taken from our sight, either laid to rest in the ground or entrusted to the crematorium staff for cremation, once guests have left. Often we will then leave together and share memories at another venue, which can be a time of great comfort and pleasant reflection, often treasured by grieving families.

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This format is familiar to most of us who have attended the funeral of a loved-one and it offers the chance to join with others who share both our sadness and thankfulness. It can be a time of great comfort, an opportunity to reflect on happier moments and to acknowledge the uniqueness of the person we have lost, before we get to 'let them go'.

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A Direct or 'pure' cremation differs in that there is usually no service to attend. 

The term 'direct' means that your late loved-one will be collected from their place of rest - perhaps a hospital or morgue or the Funeral Director's premises - and taken to a crematorium somewhere in the UK. With many of the direct cremation plans offered, you will not be told where or when your loved-one's cremation will take place. There is usually no option to be present or even in the vicinity at the time of cremation and no service is conducted.

 

This simplified service reduces the costs greatly, a key benefit promoted, along with removing many of the choices we can find so difficult with traditional services - there is no music to choose, no readings, no tough decision whether to stand and speak or to carry the coffin.

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However, it also removes the opportunity to reflect, remember and celebrate the life we have shared in the last moments of their physical presence and in the company of friends and family, something from which many of us draw great comfort.

Most grieving people we meet express the need for 'a goodbye'.

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​Why would someone want a Direct cremation?

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This 'no fuss' option is favoured by many who do not wish to 'burden'  their families with the challenges and costs of a traditional funeral service.

An understandable wish in these stressful times - none of us would like our family or friends to face unnecessarily tough choices or huge expense, especially at such a distressing time. The appeal of such a straightforward process is clear, if finance and 'fuss' are the only considerations.

However, it must also be acknowledged that many of us would express the need for a meaningful farewell when we lose someone we love.

Often, our hearts need that moment of personal Goodbye. 

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Is there another alternative, somewhere between traditional and Direct cremations?

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Absolutely.

Your loved-one's funeral - or yours, perhaps, if you are thinking ahead - can be as simple as you like, tailored to your wishes and your budget. 

Although we can feel pressured to simplify and reduce a funeral service in order to potentially reduce the strain on our families, it is also important to reflect on the unique significance of the event - once a loved-one has been cremated, our choices cannot be changed. Our grief can make it difficult to make clear choices in that moment of pressure and pain and we can be persuaded that we don't need 'all that fuss'. But often, we simply do.

So if you are facing that choice now, know that you DO have choices. And there is help available to guide you through those options.

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For example, did you know that you can arrange a combined 'Direct' / traditional cremation service?

Some families are now choosing a kind of 'halfway house' when it comes to their loved-one's Farewell. This combines the directness, simplicity and lower cost of a Direct Cremation (where guests/ mourners are not present at the relevant crematorium) with a separate gathering in another location - a sports or social club, perhaps, or community centre or even the local pub garden - where a memorial service is conducted for the loved-one which can include traditional elements such as music, readings and tributes but with an important difference - your late loved-one is not present, there is no coffin in the room and no curtains to close. With the cooperation and support of your Funeral Director, this Memorial service can be arranged to coincide with the cremation service taking place elsewhere, to add that important sense of connection.

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Can any Funeral Director offer a Direct cremation service?

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When we see adverts for direct or 'pure cremation', it can seem that this is an entirely new and separate service, one offered by a new kind of company and not available from traditional Funeral Directors. However, that isn't true. Most Funeral Directors - including your local independent or family firm, as well as the large groups - would be happy to offer this simplified service, if that is your wish. You are not obliged to have limousines or even a hearse, nor is there a compulsion to have a gathering in chapel, a celebrant or to have the coffin of your loved-one in the room at the time of the service.

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Whatever you or your loved-one wish to happen, your traditional Funeral Director can almost certainly provide the same bespoke ​service, but with the personal touch we seldom receive from large, sometimes faceless organisations. At such an important time, it can be of great comfort to be able to speak to a caring person who understands this situation so well.

 

So if you are considering 'going direct' and have questions about what that means, we recommend having a chat with your preferred Funeral Director. Or ask us - we would be happy to help.

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Got another question?

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Feel free to ask Mia Creely or Caroline Clegg - CLICK HERE to send us your query.

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